News that I can use from the past 24 hours.

Automakers must have heard that except for pineapple, I’ve never met a food I didn’t like. Apparently a growing number of Americans (emphasis on growing) feel the same way (except for pineapple) since automakers announced that starting in 2006, they’re making car and truck seats a half-inch wider to accommodate our posteriors in particular and backsides in general. Thank you Big 3 automakers for thinking of me. Nothing worse than a hangover from alcohol and “hangover” from eating too much. A former coworker told me of an easy way to lose 15-pounds of ugly fat…. Just cut off my head! (rim shot) Good night folks, make sure you tip the waitress on the way out! That’s right, it's an old joke, but this is an old show!! (rim shot)

The other news I can use from the past 24 hours comes from the CA by way of Woman’s Day magazine. You should eat all day long since sticking to 3 meals a day isn’t the smartest eating plan. You do have to watch what you eat and I’m not talking about the short journey it takes from the plate or box into your mouth. The blurb also says watching your favorite sitcom may just make you feel better about yourself by boosting your self-image and relieving stress. Let’s see, eating all day and watching the tube. That’s my kind of plan. One other thing, the experts say don’t stretch before a workout but do stretch afterwards. I like that too since that means I don’t have to stretch before I jog from the sofa to the refrigerator and back. I can just stretch out on the sofa when I get back.

Folks, that’s news I will use.